


Deserving

by princecollywolly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sam Winchester Deserves to be Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 14:41:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30141102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princecollywolly/pseuds/princecollywolly
Summary: Reader and Sam take a vacation for his birthday at the beach. But Sam isn't sure he deserves such happiness and bliss.
Relationships: Sam Winchester/Reader, Sam Winchester/You
Kudos: 4





	Deserving

It was cold when she awoke. Still night, as far as she could tell. The sheets were rumpled next to her, and Sam was gone. The whole room was bathed in a gentle bluish glow, from the moon and ocean outside. A glance at the clock told her it was 4 a.m. Sam usually woke up early, but he was restless lately, even on vacation. This was early, even for him, especially on what was supposed to be their vacation. She slipped out of the bed and pulled on the silky cream colored robe she’d taken to wearing around the beach house, and followed the sound of the ocean. It wasn’t hard, since the beach was mere steps away from them, just over the boardwalk. 

That’s where she found him. He was standing in the sand, ankle-deep in the saltwater, his hands shoved into the pockets of his rolled up joggers, staring out at the vast blue. Or, what she imagined was blue, since it was 4 in the morning and still dark. The full moon reflected on the shining waves, giving off at least a little light in which to find her way. 

Sam didn’t move, even though he probably heard her approach. He just stood there, looking out over the ocean contemplatively. She wrapped her arms around his torso, leaning her head into his back. He brought one hand out of his pocket to rest on hers. 

“What’re you doing?” she asked, her voice small and laden with sleep. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” he answered. “Came out here to think.” 

“‘Vrythin’ ok?” 

“I dunno,” he answered wistfully. His mind was so obviously elsewhere, she doubted he even heard her properly. 

“Whass wrong?”

Finally he seemed to notice her, and pulled her so that she was in front of him instead, and could wrap his arms around her waist. 

“I dunno that I deserve this,” he said quietly. 

“Whassat mean?” she asked, stifling a yawn. 

He squeezed her closer to him, and buried his face in the crook of her neck and shoulder. “This week has been the happiest of my entire life. I honestly don’t remember ever feeling this happy.” 

He was silent for a moment, but she waited for him to speak again. It sounded like he was gathering his thoughts. “Part of me wonders...if I’ve experienced, ya know, everything I have, and have never felt  _ this _ before, maybe there’s a reason. Maybe I don’t deserve this at all.” 

She turned around in his arms and looped her own about his neck. Suddenly, her own voice was no longer sleepy. “Samuel William Winchester, that is a lie from the pit of Hell and you know it.” 

“Is it?” He asked. He was still looking wistfully at the ocean. 

She grabbed his chin with her hand ever so delicately, and turned his head so he was looking directly at her. 

“Of course it is. You work so much and fight so hard. You deserve some happiness.” 

“But why?” he asked. “I didn’t do something to earn it.” 

She stood up on her tiptoes (which was difficult in the wet sand) and kissed him gently. “Love, happiness, peace...those are not earned. You didn’t have to work for them, at least from me. I love you simply because you’re you. No other reason than that. And you deserve to feel good for no other reason than that. You’re such a good man, Sam. Let yourself rest.” 

“You know I can’t do that,” he said firmly, a twinge of sorrow in his voice. 

“I know. I’m not asking you to stop fighting just yet. All I’m asking is that you allow yourself some goodness once in a while.” 

“And what if those things go away?”

She knew what he was really asking.  _ What if you are taken away from me one day?  _

“First of all, wouldn’t you rather have experienced something so that you have good memories to hold on to later? And second, I’m not going away. I’m determined to stay. You know it’s going to be like moving a mountain to get me away from you, right?” 

“I know,” he said softly. He seemed less wistful now. 

“So you have nothing to worry about. Just relax,” she whispered, running her fingertips along his chest. 

“It’s not that easy.” 

She sighed. “Your stubbornness is unfathomable sometimes. Come to bed. Relax. Sleep. It’s cold without you.” 

He tilted her chin up with his fingertips and kissed her tenderly. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

She smiled. “Cmon. Sleep,” she said, disentangling herself and trying to lead him back to the house. 

“You don’t wanna watch the sunrise?” he asked. 

“No. I wanna sleep. We have plenty of time to watch the sunrise on this vacation.” 

He smiled, remembering what she said about his own stubbornness, and wanted to quote her words back. But he took her hand obediently and let her lead him up to the house, where they washed off their feet in the boardwalk shower and crawled back into bed. 

“Happy birthday, Sam,” she whispered once they were under the covers. “You deserve only goodness.” 

“I have you. That means I have all the goodness in the world.” 

  
  



End file.
